People Who Should Not Travel

I am what 'they' refer to as road warrior.  I have been through most of the world's major airports and I've seen a lot behaviours that I wish I hadn't.  As I get ready to board yet another flight, I thought i would publish my own personal set of behaviors that should get a traveller banned from flying or staying abroad.  Feel free to add to the list as I'm sure there are others... 


1. Any passenger, namely me, has the right to turn around and tell the dude behind you that cutting his nails on an airplane is so over the top gross, that they are to cease immediately.  Especially, wait for it... If the cuttings fly over your shoulder.  Seriously. 

2.  No one should be able to grab the back of your chair and pull it backwards by 90 degrees simply because they can't get their ass out of their own chair without this support.

3.  Every passenger should have the right to switch places with the parent of that child who won't stop kicking your chair - despite staring rudely and outright asking them to stop.

4.  Mandatory shower and teeth brushing sessions for all passengers who I decide need it.

5.  You are not allowed to be rude to the airline people. Yelling and screaming at the person behind the counter because the flight is late is NOT their fault and they should not bear the brunt of your anger.  And it makes me crazy.  

6.  Don't stand in the aisle with your crotch or your ass in my face.  I don't like it.

7.  I will decide who can and cannot take their shoes off inflight.

8.  Do not ever assume that just because the lady cleans up after you in the Hilton lounge she is stupid and cannot speak English.  Over heard in the lounge in Bucharest recently....

(Remember it has to be in your loudest voice (dressed in your loudest clothes) so everyone eating breakfast can hear you)

"Phil, do you know how to work the Espresso machine" 
Phil doesn't know so of course you turn to the lady in the lounge and in your bestest loudest voice you ask ' DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH'

And since you are in Bucharest where everyone learns English, she replies very quietly, 'please don't yell and how can I help you'.     And then rude lady yells back at Phil... "Hey Phil, she speaks English".  SHE should not EVER TRAVEL.

Oi!!!!